The thing is, I love playing the guitar. I also (privately) enjoy singing.
Enough of my gibber gabber. I’ve taken the first step towards rockstardom and purchased a video camera. Below is my first recording. It’s by a band called the Smashing Pumpkins. It’s a little depressing but I love it.
January 1st 2010 3:30am
Where the fuck am I? Why does everything hurt? Why am I still fully dressed? Choking back on a chunk of vomit (why does it have chunks?!) someone begins to rustle beside me – it appears I’ve been playing the role of the little spoon.
For a split second I contemplate the thought that it’s my housemates sister, but then the big spoon begins to talk. “I want you so bad” he says. Wait something’s wrong here…HOLY SHIT I’m being spooned by a GUY?! And what did he just say??! My body forgets it’s broken long enough for me to combat roll out of bed wrapped in my duvet “Get the FUCK out of my room!” I scream “Dick – I wasn’t going to do anything!” he says on his way out.
More banter with the work wife, on turning BT tower into Lightsaber to celebrate Star Wars Blu Ray release…
This is an AWESOME PR stunt if it works…
Me: I will give you a blowjob if this happens. That’s how likely it is.
Speakman: Have you not seen the lights they used for the twin towers? Mwhahahaha
Me: I’m still not sucking it.
Speakman: This marriage is over - you’re dead to me
Me: Marriage does not = guaranteed blowjobs. It’s about time you recognised that.
Speakman: Your credit cards have been cancelled
Big day everybody. Jamie is preparing for a ball this evening…
… he has with him a bottle of cologne. Eau de Jamie. On sniffing the bottle…
“Mmmmmm smells like a millionaire.”
Jamie’s first glimpse of a topless woman (on the beach, not ever, so he tells me)
I can’t wait to tell the lads I saw nipples! That’s two pairs now! They’ll probably still make fun of me though.
“How was your holiday Jamie?”
“Great thanks. I had a properly authentic Italian experience”
“Nice. Where were you?”
“Italy.”
Jamie’s summary of his holiday with the very lovely Holly Maguire, his work wife
Me: How were your hols Jamie? Did you do any activities?
Speakman: I splashed about in the Med a bit. Made sure I could touch the bottom at all times though. I’m not reckless.
Me: The Med’s not particularly dangerous Jamie.
Jamie: There were lots of jellyfish!
Me: If you got stung you could just piss on your leg.
Jamie: Oh, I do that anyway.
